Reunions answer questions for adoptees

Published: May 31, 2017

The following article was written by the staff of Catholic Charities of Arkansas. It was originally published in Catholic Charities Connections, a special section of Arkansas Catholic, on June 17, 2017.

Antje Harris, LSW, director of Catholic Adoption Services, recently got a wonderful surprise when she attended a workshop about spirituality in the workplace led by Don Streit. One of the attendees was a young woman named Hannah whom Harris had helped place for adoption 26 years ago with Kathy and Ray Allen.

There were warm hugs and big smiles — and the joy of knowing that Hannah was doing so well. The prayer with every adoption is that a child will be healthy, happy, able to meet their highest potential and, most of all, know how loved they are.

Harris and Hannah also connected eight years ago when Hannah and her birth mother were ready to meet. They had a reunion supported by Hannah’s parents. Harris stayed in contact with both mothers over the years with ongoing updates. Hannah has a positive relationship with her birth family and with her parents.

Hannah earned her bachelor’s degree at Harding University and then attended the University of Arkansas at Little Rock Graduate School of Social Work. She now works with troubled teens in a school-based program outside of Searcy. Hannah said the reason she decided to become a social worker was because of the meaningful adoption reunion she had with Harris’ assistance.

Adoption Services Inc. has been a state-licensed agency for more than 33 years. By law in Arkansas, a person placed for adoption is able to request a search and reunion with their birth family when they are 18 years old or older.

The birth parents may also initiate the process at that time. Contact occurs through the agency only when both parties want to be reconnected. Not everyone involved in the adoption wants to be found or to meet each other. Years ago adoptions were more closed and there was little expectation of meeting again. There was often a deep hope for this to occur, but a fear of rejection and many misunderstandings stood in the way.

Birth mothers have said they are afraid their child will think they did not love them and that is why they were placed. In reality, a plan for adoption is made out of a deep love and concern for the child’s wellbeing. Adoptees often initiate the search asking for medical information about their family of origin. Some conditions have a genetic link not known at the time of placement. They may or may not want to meet each other. Others are curious and want to know who they are like in their family. The adoptive parents want to thank the birth parents for the gift of their child.

Birth mothers have said they are afraid their child will think they did not love them and that is why they were placed. In reality, a plan for adoption is made out of a deep love and concern for the child’s wellbeing.

In the past 18 years, many birth and adoptive parents have met each other on the front-end when a child was born so there has been more peace of mind and greater ease of staying in contact. They know more what the expectations are for openness and often can stay in contact with each other through the agency.

Search and reunion later with these families is relatively easy. More of the early adoptions are being opened, but this can be challenging, Harris said. For many reasons, it is frequently difficult to locate birth mothers.

The search process is simplified when the birth parents contact the agency, as the adoptee is generally easier to find. Many reunions are wonderful and happy occasions. There is an opportunity for healing when all can acknowledge their gratitude for life and know the love all around.

Occasionally, birth parents may have too many challenges and are not ready to be more open. Other times the best that can be done is to provide medical information and updates, but not an actual meeting. No matter what level of contact, the agency can reassure the adoptee that their birth mother wanted the very best for them and made their decision out of love.