Official Website of the
Catholic Diocese of Little Rock
Phillip Zawislak, Our Lady of the Holy Souls, Little Rock
Attends the House of Formation in Little Rock
Why do I want to be a priest? Well, I have always felt a calling toward religious life. Not towards the monastic or consecrated laymen's life, but rather toward one that serves God and his people. And for the past few years, I have been discerning this idea more and more.
Is the priestly life really for me? Is it really what I am called to do? In May 2022, I felt called to the priestly path. It was the feast of the Ascension of the Lord, and also the first Mass celebrated by the newly ordained Father Daniel Wendel. As soon as the processional hymn began, I started to silently cry.
And throughout the Mass I continued to cry. I asked God, "Is this what you want me to do?" And in my heart, he said, "Yes." And from that moment on, I've been working toward the priesthood. Talking regularly with Father Hebert, my spiritual director and praying for guidance. I don't know what the future holds for me, and I certainly don't know for sure if I'm going to be ordained, but I certainly will put my trust in God. And that’s exactly what the first year of seminary pushes.
Last year, the Vatican required all seminaries to add on an extra year for all new seminarians called a propaedeutic year. This is an extra year of discernment for men. It reduces the amount of classes taken and gives more time for prayer. And during this time, I slowly began to understand God’s calling for me.
I had extra time to grow in self knowledge of my gifts and talents, as well as address my faults and issues. It was a huge blessing to be able to grow in knowledge of these, and be more direct about them before starting a more academic-heavy year. I have heard from many of my older brother seminarians that they would have appreciated a propaedeutic year, and I’m glad I used mine well.
But it wasn’t just the past year that was helpful, but also what happened during the summer. Last year, we had five men discern out of seminary formation. And while some might not see how that is a good thing, it is beneficial to the Church, because we don’t want men who don’t want priesthood.
And not that they were bad, they all were good men with a willingness to serve Christ. But when one of them in particular discerned out, I was filled with a lot of fear. This former seminarian had a lot of characteristics that are valued and sought after in priests. And I was worried that if this devout guy with good priestly values left, what chance did I have?
But his discernment really helped me because I was faced with the question in a more direct way than I had before. And because of that, I grew in dependency on Christ in the Eucharist. So while on assignment in Christ the King in Fort Smith, I brought all my struggles and doubts to Christ. And little by little, I felt at peace.
And oftentimes, I fail to realize how incredible it is that we have God made present to us each and every Mass. Just how incredible it is that we are able to look at our Lord in the Eucharist in adoration. It’s almost unbelievable that we have a God that so loved us that he gave us his flesh and blood to provide life for us in him.
One day while serving Mass I realized that even in the entire beauty of the Mass, it is only a sliver of the beauty of heaven. So, God willing if I am called to be a most high priest, I look forward to bringing the most high God to his people in his most precious Body and Blood.
