Letters from Seminary: Riley

Honeymoon phase: My stupid crazy love for the Lord

Published: October 17, 2020

By Ben Riley
Diocesan Seminarian

I have been told that after getting married it is common to have a "honeymoon phase." This phase is a time of stupid-crazy love and joy. The newlywed couple is enamored with each other and can’t believe their luck. I’ve heard the honeymoon phase can last weeks or months, but I definitely didn’t expect to experience one after my diaconate ordination.

It has been almost two months since my ordination, and these last two months have been some of the most formative of my life. It started the week before Brian Cundall and I were ordained deacons together. That whole week I got to participate in the diaconate ordinations of my brother seminarians: Alex Smith, Emmanuel Torres and Omar Galván. Then, the day after my ordination, I got to participate in the priesthood ordination of Father Joseph Friend and Father Daniel Velasco.

It was a week filled with tears, joy, anxiety, peace, grace, struggle, doubt and confidence. In short, it was an emotional roller-coaster; it was also a privilege to witness their joy and their steadfast love for the Lord as Brian and I approached our own ordination. As the day got closer, I thought my joy would build and build, so when it didn’t, I got worried. Are pre-ordination jitters a thing?

I mentioned tears, and to be honest, not all of them were tears of joy. It was a humbling experience, not to feel joyful before such a significant day. I woke up early on the morning of the big day. I wanted to have time to prepare myself, stretch, pray the Liturgy of the Hours, eat a good breakfast and get to the church early. When I got to Christ the King in Little Rock, I sat in a pew in the backmiddle section, the same section I sat in as a seventh-grader, and I prayed.

In my prayer, I remembered all the people who helped me get to this point. All the teachers, friends, parishioners and family who have prayed for me, supported me, helped me to see the path God was laying out before me and gave me the courage to walk down it. Your prayers and the grace of God has nurtured the seed of my vocation. It has grown and matured and will soon blossom into the flower of priesthood.

Thank you for your prayers; please be assured of my prayers for you. On days when my school work is overwhelming, it is easy to lose sight of who I am studying for. Your prayers give me strength in ways you may not realize until the Lord shows you in heaven. I needn’t have been worried about not feeling joyful before my ordination.

In hindsight, I realize that it was a reminder from the Lord that our spirituality and our relationship with him does not rely on how we feel; it also takes trust. I have said my “yes,” I have made my promises and I have said: "I do." Seven times actually. Now, with the help of God, I will do my best to live out those promises. I am in this honeymoon phase of crazy, stupid love and joy. I'll let you know if/when it passes.

Deacon Ben Riley, a member of Christ the King Church in Little Rock, is a diocesan seminarian, attending St. Meinrad Seminary in Indiana. He is scheduled to be ordained a priest in May 2021. This article was originally published in Arkansas Catholic. Copyright Diocese of Little Rock. All rights reserved. This article may be copied or redistributed with acknowledgement and permission of the publisher.